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1 - I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
2 - Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
3 - I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
4 - The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
5 - Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.
6 - Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
7 - We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
8 - Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
9 - We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
10 - Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
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1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time… I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say “Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too”. Damn Right! What good is cake if you can’t eat it?

4. When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you’ve found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film, “did ya see that?” No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!
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School:
A place where Parents pay and children play

Life Insurance:
A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse:
A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage:
It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters..

Divorce:
Future tense of Marriage.
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Ah Beng was asked to construct sentences by using 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10. He not only created sentences from 1 to 10, he even created from 10 back to 1. This is what he came up with,

1 day, I went 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep and a pair of couple saw me, I was so panic and 4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me. I ran until I fell 6 and threw up. So I went to 7-eleven nearby and grabbed some 8 to throw at him. After that, I took a 9 and try to stab at him. 10 god he ran away.

10 I put back the 9, paid for the 8 and left 7-eleven. Next day, I called my boss and told him that I was 6. He said 5, tomorrow you don’t have to come back 4 work anymore. He also asked me to go climb the 3 and jump down with my head first. I don’t really understand, I was so nice 2 him but he treated me this way, I really don’t know what he 1.